The thought of anxiety is not a pleasant one. I know it really well; I've been there. And while right now I’m really lucky to be far from those kinds of feelings and thoughts, I can totally relate to them so I thought to myself “how is it possible that I became such a relaxed person in my relationship even after being in so many terrible relationships that could have turned me into a psycho and never trust a man ever again” and “how can anyone achieve that as well?”
Here are the two things I did and you can do to start liberating yourself from relationship anxiety.
This is how you fix your anxiety in a relationship!
The first thing is to trust yourself no matter what. Sounds easy as it really is. I know that anxiety comes often when you start to feel involved with another human being and that is the point, you start to put so much attention on the other person that you forget yourself. Therefore before you even think about being in a relationship, you have to trust yourself. Trust that you are enough and that if someone is not really interested in you, it has nothing to do with you. (Let me find the right expression… Oh yes, NEXT please!)
You need to have a wonderful relationship first and foremost with you. But please let's stop the talking, I want you to focus on the doing. Focus on the relationship you have with yourself on a daily basis; on your mental habits, on your beliefs, but also on what you do and what you say (the how you say it and how you do it is massively important) and of course on what you don’t do and what you don’t say to yourself.
All the energy you spend worrying and over thinking about your relationship could be used in your advantage! How? Turn that energy to help you get out of the pattern of anxiety in a conscious manner, re-focus that energy by practicing self-love, self-compassion, self-respect, self- (fill in with anything positive here).
Never lose sight of the most important person: YOU! Note that self-compassion is not self-pity! Self-compassion is to be your best friend, your best ally. Being compassionate is being kind with the words you say to yourself; with the thoughts you have about you and the world around you but also with the actions you take that affect your body. Being compassionate is being kind with your physical and emotional being. As you can see I put a lot of emphasis on self-compassion because it’s a powerful tool. Once you start practicing it, your world improves exponentially.
The second thing you have to do is trust your partner, this is also really important. But for you to be able to trust your partner you have 3 major responsibilities:
1. Chose your partner wisely from the beginning. Take your time; don’t rush to start a relationship with the first cutie that sends you flowers. Filter him well, so you don’t start to worry about him later. When you chose wisely all the doubts are gone. Your mind stops worrying and questioning all the time: Is he trustworthy? Is he truthful? Is he loyal? Is he honest? Is he really into me? Is he really, really, but no, seriously I need to know if he's really interested in me!? Does he really love me? Does he mean what he said? Does he find me attractive? Does he feel more attracted to other women? Is he going to leave me? When is he going to leave me? Is he going to cheat on me? Is he going to be nice in the future? Is he going to love me forever? Does he find me ugly? Does he still think about his ex? Does he compare me with other women? Does he really, really, really love me? ETC…
Forgive my imagination; I might have put one or two extra questions/doubts. Probably you even have more stamina and the questions/doubts can be on and on and I know how painful that can be. (Want to know more about how to filter him better? Check my book: (The Empowered Woman's Guide To Dating)
2. Date like a hot restaurant. Hot restaurant? I know the concept says nothing to you, if you haven’t been in one of my seminars or you haven’t read my book (The Empowered
Woman's Guide To Dating) yet otherwise this would be super clear, but let me make a short introduction. When you start a relationship and he’s been properly filtered and you took the decision that he’s worth your heart and your time. You still have to be very careful and take things very slow. There is actually an art on how to date a man and that’s why I have written a book to help you with that, but the best way to describe it to you in a few words is: Takes things ultra slow. I always say: the slower the better. By taking things very slow you can build a more meaningful relationship with him before you get to deep with your feelings and thoughts of a future together, don’t over think the relationship, enjoy it, be more casual, be happy, be positive and trust there is someone right for you.
3. Have the right attitude in your relationship. Now this is also a big component and is an on-going process. Actually to have an amazing relationship, you are always working on this third responsibility, but don’t worry when you took your first two responsibilities at heart and diligently your life gets really simple and enjoyable. The loving partner you have always dreamed of is actually living with you, and your most common question is: Am I dreaming?
So how can you have the right attitude to get that wonderful relationship? I called it CCS short for Connection Communication Style. In short we can define it as the YIN and the YANG of a person and to learn more about both sides and how to handle them. Because I know how important this subject is I have dedicated a big part of my research to it. To write here about the CCS would mean to transcript a third of my upcoming book. There is so much to talk about it. On the book I provide you with strategies to fix most of the common issues that arise in almost all couples in regards to communication and expectations.
For now, re-focus all the negative energy that anxiety gives you and start apply it into taking responsibility for your life. Don’t let things to luck!
When you trust yourself and you trust your partner, you can forget the unnecessary anxiety and enjoy a loving and healthy relationship!
If you need support or want to share with other amazing women about love, relationships and dating.