What is the most common mistake we commit in our relationships and how we can avoid it? The common mistake is that we want certainty and we fear to lose what we have and that is what makes us want to control our partner. Fear is such a common response when we feel threatened but fear makes us act in irrational ways and that’s why fear is what will make you lose him and that should be enough for you to fear your fear.
The more you hold onto something the easily you will lose it.
Men fall in love with the woman they are dating while “many” women fall in love with their expectations of how one day their relationships will be. This type of woman will slowly and in order to make her expectations come true will try to change the man in her life with controlling strategies. This obviously can only backfire in the most negative ways.
What will make your relationship thrive is controlling your anxious thoughts about anything that hasn’t even happened yet. The key is to let go the need of certainty and stopping the "what’s next" attitude and start enjoying the present moment!
There is a misunderstanding about being independent and not becoming too attached to your partner. This is wrong. Science has proved that attachment to our partner is a natural process. You are not emotional unstable if you feel too attached to him, you are just a normal human that needs to be attached to another human, this is part of our evolution and has allow our survival. But you also have to value your separate time, not because you don’t want to be attached to your partner but because you love your life and all what there is in it with and also without him.
When we loose sight of our identity we loose the spark that first attracted our partner to us. Men love the mystery that surrounds your being and once you become fearful and stop living your life as an independent happy and positive human being, you lose that part of you that keeps the relationship fresh and alive.
Have you ever wonder what is the secret of those happy couples that are being together for long time? I have talk to many of them and I’m always mesmerized and inspired by them. They have taught me these simple principles: Love is about trust, self-love and enjoying the present moment!
Of course that is only possible when you are with the right person and that is what all happy couples have in common but until now any of those couples was able tell what is need it to get that right person in the first place. They are in happy relationships mostly because they were lucky. They have the right attachment styles, they were mature for a relationship and most importantly they found each other. Yes, in many cases happy relationships are just a matter of luck.
But how the rest of humanity can imitate in a conscious way the luck of happy couples? That was my question for a long time. At first I struggled to find the answers because when I was younger I have underestimated the hardships of life and especially of love, but life showed me how ignorant I was and how much I had to learn in order to answer that question.
What is the answer that makes our relationships thrive? In summary to find and keep true love we have to battle among our senses, our biology, our conscious and specially our subconscious mind.
In this simple article I don't pretend to solve the entire problem, but I want to suggest two simple actions to help your relationship thrive today.
1) Stop the "WHAT'S NEXT" attitude! Enjoy the present moment and stop worrying about anything that hasn’t even happened yet.
2) Let go the need to control him! Value separate time, not because you don’t want to be to attach to your partner but because you love your life!
To your wonderful love life!
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